PT Staff

Feeling beautiful comes from the inside. Eight tips on how to appreciate your looks.

1. Size Up Wisely

Think of professional beauties as aesthetic marvels (and genetic accidents). Don't compare yourself with them. Besides, those whose looks you covet are busy rating themselves against someone even more gorgeous. "I never thought of myself as beautiful," insists Carol Alt, the 1980s supermodel. "There were these girls who would walk into the room and just take over. Nicolette Sheridan in the 1980s—oh my God, forget it."

1. Reflect on Your Relationships

"It is part of the human condition to see ourselves through the eyes of others," says Ellen McGrath, clinical psychologist and president of The Bridge Coaching Institute. Partners have a big impact on how we view our looks. If we get a steady dose of fondness and acceptance, "it's like being in the glow of a romantic candlelit dinner—we are seen in the best possible light," says McGrath. Being close to a judgmental person makes us view ourselves in correspondingly harsh terms. If you've come to believe that you're unattractive, consider whether your partner may have subtly steered your thoughts in that direction.

1. It's Not About You!

Shy people consistently rate themselves as less attractive than others do. "When you focus on yourself, you become more self-critical," says Bernie Carducci, professor of psychology at Indiana University Southeast. If you force yourself to approach others and make them feel wanted, your own insecurities diminish. "Show up at a party with a group of friends and you'll automatically appear more attractive," says Carducci. "It's social capital—it suggests that you know how to lead others and bring them together."

1. You're Instrumental

Is your body a static object to be gazed upon or a performing machine? While women tend to think about how their bodies look, men often focus on how well they work, says Stephen Franzoi, psychology professor at Marquette University. "If you think of your body as an instrument, you'll see it as something that you can shape and transform," he says. "This proactive stance shifts the locus of power to you, rather than to other people observing and evaluating your body."

1. Get an Inner Makeover

Watch for negative self-talk. "Replace critical thoughts, such as 'my disgusting, fat thighs,' with something more neutral, such as 'my large, muscular legs,'" suggests James Rosen, emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Vermont. Give more airtime to other aspects of your self-image. "Consciously think of why you are desirable to other people—perhaps because they respect your competence or because you are warm and interesting. In the long run, these characteristics are more important to attraction than physical looks."

1. Be a Singular Sensation